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My Husband Is A Sex Addict

Discovering that your husband is a sex addict can be one of the most heart-wrenching experiences imaginable. The shock, betrayal, and flood of emotions can feel overwhelming, leaving you questioning everything you thought you knew about your relationship.

This article aims to provide you with a compassionate yet straightforward guide to navigating this challenging situation.

We'll delve into the complexities of dealing with a husband who is a sex addict, offering insights into the emotional rollercoaster you're likely experiencing.

Understanding the turmoil you're going through is the first step toward making informed decisions about your future.

It's crucial to recognize that you don't have to face this alone—seeking the right support can make all the difference.

Remember, it's not just about your husband’s recovery—it's about your healing and well-being too. Let's embark on this journey together, one step at a time.

Emotional Impact on the Partner

When you first discover that your husband is a sex addict, the initial shock can feel like a punch to the gut. It's a revelation that shatters your world, leaving you reeling in a whirlwind of emotions.

Betrayal, anger, sadness, and confusion all flood in, making it difficult to think clearly or know what to do next.

Feeling betrayed is natural—after all, the trust you placed in your husband was violated. Anger is equally valid; it’s the raw, burning response to being deceived and hurt. And it is devastating. Betrayal trauma is a real thing and can cause significant physical and mental health problems.

It’s crucial to acknowledge and validate these emotions and feelings. They are not only normal but necessary for your healing process. Suppressing these feelings can lead to deeper wounds and prolonged pain. That what you resist, persists. Please remember that.

Allow yourself to feel them, to cry, to scream if you need to. Seek solace in trusted friends, family, or a support group who understand what you’re going through.

It’s okay to feel devastated—a natural response to an incredibly difficult situation. By facing these emotions head-on, you begin to take back control of your life, setting the foundation for whatever decisions you make about your future.

FIRST AND FOREMOST, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO MAKE ANY IMMEDIATE DECISIONS DESPITE PRESSURE TO DO SO.

We hope the words below offer you hope and a path forward.

Reasons to Stay in the Relationship

Deciding to stay in a relationship with a husband who is a sex addict is a deeply personal and complex decision. It's essential to understand the recovery process and the challenges it entails.

Recovery is not a quick fix; it's a challenging journey that requires patience, effort, and requires significant growth and healing.

Some men are able to use the crisis of discovery as a powerful opportunity to create the change necessary to address the serious sexual betrayal and the lies that kept the sex addiction hidden. Discovery forces the men to do the work on themselves that needs to be done.

This can be a powerful opportunity for the man who is willing to commit to help and self growth. If he does the right things, he can help you heal.

It’s mission critical for him to proactively address with a professional the deeper, underlying issues that produced the lying, compartmentalizing, and the lack of empathy. Broken men do broken things and he must repair what’s broken if there’s anychange of the relationship surviving.

Love can be a powerful motivator. If you still love your husband and believe in the bond you share, this love can serve as the foundation for him to repair the pain and hurt that he caused.

However, love alone isn't enough. It can be an accelerant but neither of you will be happy if he doesn’t create significant change in his life.

It’s ok to look back on your relationship and the good times that you have shared together. The horrible pain of betrayal trauma doesn’t have to permanently stain the good times you’ve shared together. It’s natural for your mind to do so but it likely isn’t healthy for you at this point.

If those good times brought you joy and happiness, then this might be a reason to see where his journey of healing his sex addiction takes him. It can be the fuel to allow the journey of self growth to happen. It doesn’t mean you are weak if you are making a decision to stay for now.

In fact, it’s often important not to make major decisions when you are in crisis. This is true for almost every aspect of life, and this crisis is no exception.

Importantly, your husband’s acknowledgment and willingness to change are critical. Recovery starts with his acceptance of responsibility and his sincere commitment to addressing his sex addiction.

The Mindful Habit Team has been empowering men to break free from sex and porn addiction for over a decade and often see men create profound transformation. You can actually read exactly what these men had to say about their journey here. For hope, click here to read actual verified testimonials from men who completed The Mindful Habit program and their spouses after years of failed treatment and failure.

If he is genuinely remorseful, actively seeking help, and showing consistent effort towards change, it indicates a willingness to rebuild trust and repair the damage caused.

If he is committed to the process and willing to put in the work, there’s potential for growth and healing.

Additionally, there are many reasons to stay, for example finances. It’s ok to make smart, tactical decisions about your future. Life is hard and personal circumstances vary to please don’t let anyone make you feel shame because you’ve chosen to stay … for now.

If you believe in your love and the positive aspects of your life together, and if your husband is genuinely committed to recovery, staying may be the right path for you.

Remember, staying is a choice that should be made based on a clear understanding of what lies ahead. It’s about recognizing the challenges, but also seeing the possibilities for a stronger, healthier relationship.

THERAPIST/COUNSELOR WARNING: if you are working with a counselor or therapist and that person is instructing you to leave your spouse, that provider is potentially biased, unethical and/or unqualified. A provider should never tell someone what to do. Doing so may violate their training, professional standards and ethics.

In fact, Michelle Perra, founder of The Mindful Habit® System, and wife of a former sex addict, authored a short ebook entitled “The Spouse Survival Guide.” In it, she highlights how important it is not to make any decisions while in active crisis. Click here for a free downloadable PDF copy.

Reasons to Consider Leaving

Choosing to leave a relationship where your husband is a sex addict is a decision that comes with its own set of complexities. It’s essential to weigh these reasons carefully, understanding that your well-being is paramount.

One significant reason to consider leaving is your partner’s denial or refusal to accept responsibility for his actions. Recovery and healing cannot begin without his acknowledgment of the problem.

If he continually denies his addiction or blames others for his behavior, it indicates a lack of readiness to change, making the journey to recovery nearly impossible.

The presence of abusive behavior, whether emotional or physical, is another critical factor. Abuse in any form is unacceptable and can have devastating effects on your mental and physical health.

If your husband’s addiction is accompanied by abusive tendencies, leaving the relationship may be necessary to protect yourself and any children involved. Your safety and well-being must always come first.

Incompatibility in values and a lack of empathy might be compelling reasons to leave if he refuses to get help and is not remorseful.

If you find that you no longer share the same values or that the respect you once had for each other is beyond repair, staying in the relationship may only lead to further pain and disillusionment. And please remember, you do not have to make any big decisions while you are in crisis.

Lastly, consider the impact on your mental and emotional health. Living with a sex addict husband can take a severe toll on your well-being, leading to anxiety, depression, and a constant state of stress. It can also lead to physical ailments brought on by chronic betrayal, stress, depression, and anxiety.

If the relationship is draining your energy and preventing you from living a healthy, fulfilling life, it might be time to prioritize your own health and happiness.

Leaving a relationship, especially one with deep emotional ties and shared history, is never easy.

If your husband is unwilling to take responsibility and get help, if there’s abuse, if trust and values are irreparably damaged, or if your mental health continues to suffer, choosing to leave may be the most loving decision you can make for yourself.

Remember, your well-being matters, and you deserve a life filled with respect, safety, and happiness.

One of the most important things that you can do now is to focus on your healing. Betrayal trauma causes deep wounds and it is important for you to treat those wounds. You do not want to stay stuck in this place. This is not a life-sentence!!! You can heal no matter what decision you make.

Self-care and self-love should be your number one priorities. Although that is ridiculously hard at the deepest stages of betrayal, it is critical if you are going to heal and move forward in a healthy way for yourself. It’s time for you to focus on you - maybe for the first time in your life.

Relational Impact on Children

When considering the future of your relationship with a sex addicted spouse, the potential impact on your children is a critical factor.

Separation or staying together—both scenarios can significantly affect their emotional and psychological well-being.

Separation can be a tumultuous experience for children, altering their sense of security and stability.

They may feel confused, scared, or even blame themselves for the changes in their family dynamics. It's essential to acknowledge these feelings and provide them with the reassurance and support they need.

Almost all experts agree that it's important not to share details of your husband’s sex addiction with your children, especially younger children, as doing so can cause lasting psychological damage. While it may be tempting to do so, be sure to get advice from a qualified professional. Be wary of any professional that instructs you to tell the children everything - that is a huge red flag.

Regardless of whether you stay together or separate, the importance of providing a stable and healthy environment for your children cannot be overstated.

Children thrive in environments where they feel safe, loved, and understood. If the home environment becomes toxic due to ongoing conflict, mistrust, or emotional turmoil, it can be more damaging than the separation itself.

Ultimately, the goal is to ensure that your children’s emotional well-being is prioritized, providing them with the stability and love they need to grow and thrive, regardless of the relationship’s outcome.

Recovery and Treatment Options

When faced with a husband who is a sex addict, understanding the various recovery and treatment options available is crucial.

Comprehensive Healing Programs for Both Husband and Wife:

Developed by the dynamic husband and wife team, Craig and Michelle Perra, The Mindful Habit System has, for over a decade, provided unparalleled support to couples navigating the turbulent waters of betrayal trauma and sex addiction. Based upon publically available and verified testimonials, it is currently the highest rated sex addiction treatment program in the world. This comprehensive program empowers both husband and wife, facilitating profound healing, growth, and transformation, turning pain into strength and resilience.

It is also one of the few programs that stands behind it’s results, by offering a 100% 30-day money return policy if it’s not a fit.

Trauma Informed Betrayal Trauma Treatment:

Dr. Debi Silber, Founder of the PBT (Post Betrayal Transformation) Institute is an award winning speaker, and a 2-time #1 International bestselling author offers a number of powerful programs.

Her podcast: From Betrayal to Breakthrough is also globally ranked within the top 1.5% of podcasts. Her recent PhD study on how we experience betrayal made 3 groundbreaking discoveries that changes how long it takes to heal. She offers a number of powerful programs dedicated to helping partners move past their betrayal trauma as well as any other blocks preventing them from the health, work, relationships, confidence, and happiness they want most.

12-Step Programs:

Programs like Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) and Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) utilize a structured, peer-support model similar to Alcoholics Anonymous, emphasizing abstinence, personal inventory, and making amends.

While these programs are popular, their effectiveness remains highly controversial. Many therapists criticize the problem-centric nature of the 12-Step approach and its lack of evidence-based efficacy. The American Society of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) warns that such programs are not adequately informed by accurate human sexuality knowledge. AASECT states, “Linking problems related to sexual urges, thoughts, or behaviors to a porn/sexual addiction process cannot be advanced as a standard of practice for sexuality education delivery, counseling, or therapy.”

Sexual addictive behaviors are often symptoms of deeper issues that lead to dishonesty and a lack of empathy. Addressing these root causes is critical, yet 12-Step programs frequently falls short in this regard, focusing primarily on symptom management rather than holistic healing.

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT):

CBT helps individuals recognize and change negative thought patterns and behaviors. It’s often used to address underlying issues such as low self-esteem, trauma, or anxiety that may contribute to addictive behaviors.

Couples Therapy (Post-Recovery):

Practical Steps for the Partner

As the spouse of a sex addict, your journey is equally important. Here are some practical steps to help you navigate this challenging time:

Setting and Maintaining Boundaries:

Clear boundaries are essential for your safety and well-being. Decide what behaviors are unacceptable and communicate these boundaries to your spouse. Be firm in enforcing them.

Focusing on Self-Care and Personal Well-Being:

Prioritize your own health and happiness. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Exercise, eat well, and ensure you get enough rest. Self-care is not selfish; it’s necessary.

Seeking Support from Trusted Friends, Family, and Professionals:

Don’t try to handle everything on your own. Reach out to trusted friends and family members who can offer support and understanding. Consider joining a support group for partners of sex addicts where you can share experiences and gain insights from others in similar situations.

Considering Individual Therapy or Support Groups:

Individual therapy can provide you with a safe space to process your emotions and develop coping strategies.

A team who understands betrayal trauma can be particularly helpful. Support groups, both in-person and online, can also offer community and understanding.

By taking these practical steps, you can begin to reclaim your sense of self and navigate this difficult journey with strength and resilience. Remember, your well-being is just as important as your spouse’s recovery.

If you are looking for help now, please watch the videos and read the verified testimonials below to review and evaluate what real clients and therapists think about The Mindful Habit System, the program founded over a decade ago by husband and wife team, Craig & Michelle Perra.

Watch What Experts And Customers Have To Say About The Mindful Habit System...

Before I got involved with Craig & Mindful Habit, my life was not in a good place. I had many controlling and compulsive bad habits that was creating trouble in my life and in my relationship with my wife.

My bad behavior had gotten to the point where my wife was considering not being in the relationship any longer. That's when I came across Craig Perra online and started the program with him.

The program from Craig was an amazing program. It taught me how to love and respect myself again. My life and relationship with my wife has never been better.

I'm very thankful to Criag for the Mindful Habit. It has saved our marriage.

- Steven & Maria

For over 12 years, I've had constant affairs, porn addiction and was spending money in areas that I didn't have to spend money.

I realized I had to make a change in my life as it was seriously affecting my relationship.

This program worked for me because of the exercises in the workbook, the weekly group meetings which provided me insights on the issues that I experienced.

I was able to change the direction in my life. I no longer am affected by the negative triggers or focus issues.

- Matthew

Hey, there. I'm Tony Overbay. I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and a Certified Mindful Habit Coach.

And I've been a therapist for almost 20 years. And I've seen a lot of mental health fads, conditions, diagnoses of the moment come and go.

So, admittedly, I was very skeptical when I first learned about the Mindful Habit System created by Craig and Michelle Perra. But having put it into my practice now for the better part of the past decade, I can confidently say that it's an absolute game changer. It has been the catalyst for helping me help my clients change their lives.

And it's an amazingly structured system, and it uses strength based, evidence based tools that work, period. And it has been insanely powerful, in particular in helping men struggling with sex addiction, porn addiction.

I mean, I can confidently, highly recommend it for men struggling with any compulsive behavior, but especially if you're struggling with any type of compulsive sexual behavior.

- Tony Overbay.

Hello everybody, my name is Edgar and I'm just here to make this video to show great appreciation towards Craig and the Mindful Habit team. I want to talk about my experience with the Mindful Habit and my journey and how I love it. I've been with the Mindful Habit for about four months now, enrolled in the 16 week program.

I enrolled in December just because I had a very, very bad porn addiction. It was very, very bad. It got to the point where I was watching porn for hours and days. In bed, laying, watching porn all day. My sex life was pretty much ruined with my partner. We couldn't have sex anymore. I thought I had erectile dysfunction just because of all the porn I was watching.

I couldn't perform my sexual life with my partner. Thank you so much to Craig and the team that I'm doing so much more better today. I don't watch porn anymore. I learned how to keep my composure and how to stay away from it. Thank you all to the team.

And this program completely changed my life. I recommend for anybody who has porn addiction, sex addiction, any addiction to get in contact with Craig, the Mindful Habit and join today. Thank you guys so much.

- Edgar

I'm here today to explain why choosing Craig in the mindful habit will be one of the better decisions you make as you embark on this next part of your journey.

I met Craig back in June of 2023. At this point, I had been a compulsive masturbator and porn addict for the better part of 35 years. And for those 35 years, it was only my secret. Until my wife exposed me on May 22, 2023.

In a state of panic, I told her I would never masturbate, I would never watch porn. I also told her I would never drink or gamble again. Now I had to figure out how. In comes Crick Craig, and I jumped right into the mindful habit playbook. It's an invaluable tool, but Craig is also an invaluable tool. Craig spent a ton of time with me, working back through my family of origin, tried to identify the parts inside of me, what made me make the decisions I did to protect myself, what drove me there. And from there, we started to build an infrastructure where I would not default back to those habits when I was triggered in any scenario.

And the tools work, but you have to put the time in, you have to attend, like your life depends on it. And I can tell you, my life is where it is today because of Craig, Michelle, Adrienne, and the mindful habit. They'll give you the tools. It'll be up to you on how you use those tools to drive your life and create a legacy that you can be proud of. I no longer look in the mirror like I'm a piece of shit. I look in the mirror and I'm happy.

Who's looking back at me? I look in the mirror and know that I'm going to be a better person because of the work that I did with Craig, the tools that were put in place to help me make better decisions. So I hope you take this same journey with Craig. I promise you it'll be worth it. Good luck.

Verified Client Reviews

Resources and Support

Navigating the complexities of living with a husband who is a sex addict requires access to the right resources and support.

Here is a comprehensive list to help you find the guidance and assistance you need:

Books:

Breaking the Cycle, Free Yourself from Porn Addiction, Sex Obsession & Shame by George Collins, is a practical guide for breaking free from sex and porn addiction.

Your Husband Is Addicted to Sex or Porn: The Spouse Survial Guide by Michelle Perra is a step by step guide to healing from your husband’s sex addiction.

From Hardened to Healed, by Dr. Debi Silber, a world recognized expert on betrayal trauma.

A Couple's Guide to Sexual Addiction: A Step-by-Step Plan to Rebuild Trust and Restore Intimacy, by Paldrom Collins.

The Myth of Sex Addiction, by Dr. David Ley highlights the significant controversy and lack of scientific evidence in support of treating a complex problem like compulsive sexual behavior using a model based upon a 75+ year-old model invented for alcoholics.

Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction by Patrick Carnes – A book that explores the nature of sex addiction based upon the traditional 12-Step philosophy and offers hope for recovery.

Sex Addiction 101: A Basic Guide to Healing from Sex, Porn, and Love Addiction by Robert Weiss – A straightforward guide to understanding and recovering from sex addiction.

Free Support Groups:

S-Anon (Sexaholics Anonymous) – A fellowship for those affected by someone else’s sexual behavior.

COSLAA (Co-Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) – Offers support for partners and families of sex and love addicts.

Professional Services:

Betrayal Trauma Recovery specifically for Spouses of Sex Addicts – Founded by the wife of a sex addict, this program provides expertise, support, and resources specifically for women affected by their partner’s sex addiction.

Comprehensive Treatment for Husband Addict & Betrayed Spouse - The Mindful Habit. The Mindful Habit Team offers a science-based, goal-centric, and structured program to help couples in crisis due to a husband’s sex addiction. It offers comprehensive treatment programs worldwide.

The Post-Betrayal Trauma Institute, founded by betrayal trauma expert Dr. Debi Silber - she offers great resources and a variety of treatment programs

BetterHelp.com - a great resource to find a qualified therapist to help you heal your betrayal trauma and to help your sex-addicted husband.

American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, & Therapists - an excellent resource to find therapist experts in human sexuality.

Seeking Integrity - a well-respected sex addiction treatment center founded by Dr. Robert Weiss

Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs) – although we don’t typically recommend therapists with this designation, some people might get value from a specialist trained in the traditional 12-Step model to treat sex addiction and its impact on partners - International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP).

The Center for Relational Healing – Offers therapy and workshops for couples and individuals dealing with sex addiction.

Online Resources:

Sex and Relationship Healing – A website offering webinars, podcasts, and articles on sex addiction recovery.

The Institute for Sexual Health (ISH) – Provides resources and information on Dr. Omar Minwalla’s CASRD model.

Podcasts:

"Sex Afflictions & Porn Addictions with Craig Perra” – the #1 podcast on compulsive sexual behavior, sex addiction and porn addiction. Features discussions on sex addiction and recovery along with practical tools to accelerate recovery.

Porn Talk with Powerful Eric - a practical and helpful podcast about overcoming porn addiction from another expert trained in The Mindful Habit System.

From Betrayal To Breakthrough by Betrayal Trauma Expert, Dr. Debi Silber, PhD

Porn Free Radio - with Matt Dobschuetz is a Christian podcast for motivated guys, who want to quit looking at porn, get hope and take action.

"Overcoming Betrayal & Addiction, by Rob Weiss” – Features discussions on sex addiction and recovery.

The Mindful Habit® System is renowned for its innovative approach to overcoming porn and sex addictive behaviors. "It's a practical, structured system crafted to transform your behavior profoundly."